The Art of an Apology

Learning the life skill of apologizing is part of living a priority-driven life.

“I’M SORRY” ARE NOT MAGICAL WORDS AT MENDING RELATIONSHIPS ANY MORE THAN SAYING “I WAS WRONG.”

The short phases I am sorry and I was wrong are two ways of saying, “Look the other way while I toss this dead cat under the carpet.”

The more dead cats I have under the carpet the stronger the smell.

If not removed, eventually I will shut the door and move on.

Conflicts are a sign of you being a unique individual.

It is you and your own orginal agenda, that doesn’t mesh with someone else’s, that makes you valuable and needed.

Add to your distinctiveness brokenness and sin and conflict is sure to arise.

The Art of an Apology works to restore what your undesirable behavior, aka undeveloped character traits has broken.

Come along with me as I put this principle into practice in my own life.

Art: an expression of human creative skill.

Apology: a regretful acknowledgment of an offense.

Art of an Apology: thoughtfully and carefully craft a regretful acknowledgment of an offense.

When an apology alert flashes inside of me, I grab my planner and write the answers to the 8 steps of an apology.

If I ignore the alarm, it will pass and the signal will soften when the next offense arises.

If this continues, the day will come when I am unaware of my ways.

Acknowledge, celebrate, and thank the little voice inside of me that said, “Hey, that wasn’t cool.” This non-condemning voice assists me in designing my life. By celebrating my awareness of my helper, I develop the habit of immediately correcting my behaviors, thus reducing my offenses.
Write down the exact nature of my wrong. As much as I may want to tell the other person why they made me do it, I DON’T. My offense is not about the other person being right or wrong. My lack of character has nothing to do with my victim.
Jot down how it made me feel to do it. I typically feel horrible that I did it.
Record why I did it. I did it because I am selfish, prideful, angry, hurting and the list can go on and on. I avoid using wasn’t thinking, tired, hungry, hormonal as they are excuses. Why we sin is another blog I will write.
List how I perceived my action may have made the other person feel. Disrespected, not loved, not valued, judged, rejected, condemned.
Note how do I feel causing the other person pain? Remorseful. Sad. Insensitive.
Formulate what I am going to do to change this undesirable trait in me. Overcome ignorance by being more aware of my actions. Taking the time to write each offense down as they happen.
Compile options I can offer the other person to make amends. Do their chores. Treat them like they are royalty. I can take them out and spoil them for the day. I can offer my services to help them.

After I have answered all the questions. I am ready to craft my apology.

Hey Friend, may I speak with you? Wait for an answer.
May I apologize to you? Wait for them to say yes. If they say no, ask when would be a better time.
I did…, because I am…, I believe you may have felt…. Is this correct? Let them answer.
Ask is there anything else you felt because of my lack of character? Wait for them to respond. If nothing, go on to step 6. If yes, when they are finished talking tell them
Thank you for sharing. Take a minute to feel what they felt. Then say,
I will be working on correcting my poor behavior by…. I would like to…. Will you accept my restitution? Wait for an answer. Lastly, say,
I am sorry for hurting you. Followed by, Will you please forgive me?

Note to Self: A person doesn’t have to forgive me. I am asking for forgiveness to change my behavior, not theirs.

Today’s Character Traits: Forgiving • Fearless • Faithful • Fun • Focused